Techuelife Island News

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Missing Hoppy

Date: Thu, 4 Jan 2001 06:33:18

Dear residents and friends of techuelife island.

It is my sad duty to inform u that it looks like the new year firework display on techuelife island has gone horribly wrong. It appears that one of the hoppies has gone missing. She never returned home from her rounds in the dark last night. Many people may claim to have warned me that something like this could happen that they had not had adequate training, but I did every thing in accordance to techuelife guidelines concerning hoppies and explosives. I am not so sure it was my explosions that caused this to happen I am of the opinion that other forces have been at work here, I am sure not all those explosions went of how I had authorised. we will do all we can to recover the hoppies body. You can be assured that we will do all we can to find the cause of this tragic mishap. Hope this news will not dampen your day

yours faithfully thyme

$1.5 BILLION in the bath!!!

Date: Fri, 5 Jan 2001 12:57:52 GMT

Dear residents and friends of techuelife island

I am sad to report techuelife island has lost yet another hoppy. But we do now know the first hoppy is still alive. Her whereabouts is still unknown but we do know AnjaM has her. AnjaM says "I will treat her as if she were one of my own" and
sends a picture she took recently to show that the hoppy is well and being looked after.
She said "I gave her a bath before I put her to bed"

OH NO! Gave her a BATH!!!!

That's right the picture AnjaM sent us shows $1.5 BILLION in a bath full of water!!!! She obviously does not realise it will RUST!!!!

jane5w forwarded us an anonymous message demanding a ransom for a captured hoppy with a disturbing picture of her bound and blind folded.

But this picture has been investigated and by our forensic specialists and it looks like the picture that we received is not a photograph after all but in fact just a clever hoax.
jane5w is being questioned about whether she had any thing to do with this  It has been suggested she is short of money and may have been hoping to receive a large sum to pay off her debts

This means we have no real leads to where the 2nd hoppy is or what has happened to her. Albert and the Helicopter are searching day and night for her. Though these are distressing times,  remember we still have three hoppies left which can still be seen roaming the hills and plains of techuelife island:

yours faithfully thyme

Greetings! for you

Date: Fri, 5 Jan 2001 16:45:15 GMT

Dear Thyme and other Island residents,

I have a Virtual Greeting! waiting for you at:
and you can email me at:

Unjustly Accused

Date: Sat, 6 Jan 2001 14:27:46 GMT

jane5w suspected opportunist speaks out

To thyme and friends and residents of Techuelife

I feel I have to speak out in defence of myself. I can not believe that Thyme would accuse me of such a terrible thing as taking advantage of the current crises for my own ends.

Everyone knows how much I loved those hoppies and I am mortified that AnjaM has taken one and worried to leaf rot about the second missing one.

I utterly dispute these allegations and am in mortified that anyone might believe them........anyway a girl's gotta live

Another hoax

Date: Sat, 6 Jan 2001 18:15:27 GMT

Another anonymous email has been sent in to us but this time from Arrow Bloodshed. Our leading forensic digital specialist says:

"It may look convincing to the untrained eye but to me it looks just like a photo with a bit of red and yellow paint thrown in here and there, does not fool me at all"

What's more, hoppies don't bleed so we can only conclude Arrow Bloodshed is yet another sad opportunist trying to take advantage of the crisis, no doubt also after some fast money. He has not been to clever in his plan, as he shows the missing hoppy dead, so if we were to have fallen for his modified photo he forgot to realize that a dead hoppy is nothing to bargain with.

Sad Sad day for poor albert

Date: Sat, 6 Jan 2001 19:26:31 GMT

Dear residents and friends of techuelife island

Albert has been put out of action after sustaining a direct hit from an un identified explosion.
I went to bed to get some much needed sleep leaving the island in the care of jane and leaving albert and the helicopter to search for hoppie2. When I awoke and joined jane,  loanwolffe and Sam who were in Elain's back garden at the time, I was horrified to see albert was a motionless wreck. Who can be responsible for these rotten explosions that now plague the island!!!! many people think I am but I stopped authorizing them days ago. Who ever is terrorizing techuelife island please cut it out it is not funny any more. Sam thinks I am controlling every thing from the script code in the techuelife island file. It is hard to understand what he means by that but it seems like he under some elusion that we are all in some kind of virtual world and I am in control of it. I must say he has an amusing concept there but lets get back to reality PLEASE!!! Halibut says I have deliberately taken the hoppies away and wrecked albert as a publicity stunt which is OUTRAGEOUS!!!. It is far more likely aliens are behind all this and that Elain has some thing to do with it all, just think about her name "ELAIN" sounds awfully like "ALIEN" and she has been rather quiet lately. And anyway, how could it be me? as I am innocent, I am thyme, so I must be innocent.

yours faithfully thyme

unjustly accused - yet again!!!

Date: Sun, 07 Jan 2001 17:25:51 GMT

I must protest once again.  Thyme knew when he left me to look after the
island, that I have had a bad case of weevil lately and the pesticides I
have been taking make me very drowsy and that, therefore, I was not a
reliable person to leave in charge - as I told him many times.  I
submit, therefore, that suspicion must be laid again at Thyme's door and
that he is trying to put the blame anywhere but himself (although,
personally I would still like to hear Elain's reasons for her name being
an anagram of alien and whether she can prove that she is of this

Sun, 7 Jan 2001 18:03:50 GMT
For those of you who are not convinced elain is an alien Look care fully at her head, ask your self how many people do you know who have a head that size and her eyes too are way to big to be human and when u think about it her green skin is pretty alien like.


jane5w unreliable and suspected opportunist speaks of Sam

Date: Mon, 08 Jan 2001 11:19:06 GMT

Poor Poor Sam, he was so brave........Can no one stop this
evil.......must Elain or alien as we must get used to calling her, not
be stopped?.  Where will it all end?
By the way Sam, when you said I could have the house, does that include
any money?

We must rescue Sam  from EVIL ALIEN ELAIN!!!!

Date: Tue, 09 Jan 2001 14:12:35 GMT

Dear residents and friends of techuelife island

I must say I feel a bit bad now about sending Sam off especially when we had no deal struck to
have Sam sent in exchange for hoppie_2. I like every one else was to keen to see Sam gone. But we
now all miss him bad. Every time some  job needs doing around the place we remember o that's
right we got rid of Sam.  We are all now pretty clear in agreement that we want him back. When I see the dirty dishes and saucepans piling up at an alarming rate I dread to think what we will do when we run out of clean one's. I ask all residents of techuelife island to conserve clean utensils by eating fewer meals and to please keep calm. I have tried communicating with EVIL ALIEN ELAIN but she tells me there is no way we can have him back that she is looking forward to feasting on him soon. So it looks like we are left with no other option, we have to send a rescue team off to alpha moon 9 base 6 to rescue Sam  from EVIL ALIEN ELAIN!!!!

yours faithfully thyme

Two hoppies to go on the mission

Date: Sat, 13 Jan 2001 13:26:06 GMT

Only one hoppie will be left on techuelife island because we have decided to take hoppie_3 and hoppie_4 with us as they have excellent tracking abilities. They have been fitted with new extra sensitive alien sensors so they will be able to pick up on any alien scent no matter how faint or distant and with the new sophisticated software installed to help them navigate on moon 9 I feel pretty confident they will lead us to Sam.


No human is capable of flying a space ship these days

Date: Sun, 14 Jan 2001 15:07:47 GMT

Yes it is true that I nor any one else here can fly a space ship and yes the main reason for taking the two hoppies is because according to the hoppie manual a hoppie is capable of flying a space ship and yes I decided to add hoppie_4 as a back up hoppie in case we lost hoppie_3 as hoppies are all to easy to loose!!!!


Blasting off tomorrow for the heavens

Date: Mon, 15 Jan 2001 15:53:28 GMT

We are ready to blast off for tomorrow to save Sam. Jane who has been left in charge to organize the supplies says "for the mission I have packed a packet of crisps and a bottle of fizzy each and a large jar of pickled onions to be shared out" There are still a number of spare seats available so if you can join us on the mission to save Sam from the clutches of evil alien elain please do.


Last Minute Delay

Date: Tue, 16 Jan 2001 8:30:41 GMT

AnjaM is joining us on the mission and says she has arranged for her family, back in Holland, to look after hoppy_1. There was a last minute delay after it was revealed jane and halibut had eaten the entire ships supplies of pickled onions last night. She said the jar was not so big after all and she was just testing if the pickled onion supplies were sufficient. She then made a request for everyone to go back home and bring a jar of pickled onions each and while they were at it, to bring some sticky cakes too as we don't know how long the journey will take. After all arrived back at the launch pad every one climbed into the ship. I gave the well rehearsed command to hoppy_3 to blast us off into the heavens and she in turn asked the ship to fly and we were away.


Sniffing For Aliens
Date: Fri, 19 Jan 2001 8:30:41 GMT

We touched down on an alien planet at where according to an intercepted radio signal, Sam has been taken for the alien feast. Thinking of feasting we all started on some of the sticky cake supplies. We tried to be care full not to spill any food, unfortunately by the time we had finished I could see jam and cream on hoppie_4. Because Sam was not with us it was unanimously decided that hoppie_4 shall be cleaned by space ship's ever growing population of space rats. While AnjaM went about sniffing through the ships supplies for any trace of chocolate, hoppie_3 and hoppie_4 went about sniffing for any trace of aliens. We watched them for hours and hours but so far they have not detected any thing but they have not given up and nor has AnjaM.


Date: Sat, 20 Jan 2001 14:23:12 GMT


The hoppies resumed there search today and we all followed them about as they sniffed here and there. Every time we would see them concentrate in one area for a longer period than usual we would all get excited only to have our hopes dashed. Then finally late in the day we could see something was different that they were definitely onto something. The speed they followed the trail demonstrated this time it was for real. We all shouted with joy "HOORAY FOR THE HOPPIES!" We all ran as fast as we could to keep up with them but they just went on and on. We started to get worried that we would loose sight of them, we could not keep up the pace. We shouted to them to "SLOW DOWN WE ARE ONLY HUMAN AND PLANT!" but they just carried on hopping off into the distance getting smaller and smaller until we could not see them any more. There has been no sight of them since.

Sightings of Alien Hop Bots on Techuelife Island!
Date: Wed, 31 Jan 2001 10:17:24 GMT

While jane5w, halibut, AnjaM and thyme are out looking for aliens on another planet back on  techulife island a growing number of residents have reported sightings and hearings of alien hop bots. In a large number of the reports people claimed to see and hear the alien bots waving maracas. One resident who wishes to remain anonymous out of fear of further ridicule and laughter, claims an actual encounter. She said "we are infested with maraca waving aliens!" She described them as "unfriendly" and that "they gave me a nasty tromp" and "I know they only have one foot, but it's a damn big one" angeltears said she found the trampled resident only moments later and said they must rush back to show the people the foot print in her fore head as proof of what had taken place here on techuelife island but by the time they had got back to show any one, the foot print had faded. The sceptics just laughed at them when ever they tried to explain you could still see the foot print when in the right light at the right angle. Angeltears said "I realized that I needed to get a good photo of them if we were to be believed so after taking a picture I made sure I had the photo developed by the same company that was responsible for developing all of the world's UFO and Lock Ness Monster classics. I wanted the same level of clarity in my pic so that no doubt would be left in any one's mind"

Biscuit Time For Techuelife Island
Date: Wed, 27 Nov 2001 14:11:29 GMT

Jokar demonstrating the virtues of the biscuit

Its been a long time now since anything was last heard from the rescue team that went off in search of Sam in far outer space. Sam's absence was most noticeably felt after all the clean china and cutlery had run out. Fortunately residents of techuelife island have proved to be a resourceful lot in times of crises. They have taken up eating biscuits. Jokar has demonstrated that if eaten strait from the packet no cutlery or china is needed what so ever! All residents agree that eating biscuits is connivent but some question the nutritional value of such a diet. Jokar says she wants to reassure every one that this is a most healthy diet and that she is more than qualified on such matters.
Jokar stresses:
    "so long as you get plenty of variety in your diet you will stay in perfect health, so be sure to keep your intake of chocolate biscuits, cinnamon biscuits, and them biscuits with cream in the middle throughout the day, o yes, and at least once a day be sure to eat some biscuits with sprinkles on the top"

In alphabetical order much thanks to the following for contributing to the news:
angeltears, AnjaM, Arrow Bloodshed, Elain, halibut, jane5w and Sam

Alternitive techuelife island news (Hoppie News) written by trekkerTM

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